Philosophy Things

Generalization: All Pregnant Women Are Crazy

Over the past few years, I have had the privilege of witnessing several of my girlfriends marry, have children and begin raising little families of their own. While some of these girls are my closest friends, some of them are better categorized as “acquaintances,” but despite these differences they all share at least one commonality – they all exhibited elements of craziness throughout their pregnancies. The term “crazy,” properly defined as, “mentally deranged, especially in a wild or aggressive way,” accurately defines the behavior of these women. From my friend Deann, to my friends Michele and Sarah, each of them demonstrated extreme anger, annoyance and senseless actions on multiple occasions, behavior that quickly dissipated just a few short weeks after giving birth.

My friend Deann, for example, has been a close friend of mine for over five years now and during her pregnancy, she displayed signs of extreme annoyance. One day in particular we were watching the Halloween parade on TV. There was music, dancing, art and great costumes, and everyone on the show was having a great time. After a few minutes, I looked over at Deann from across the couch and her face was completely covered in tears. She had been sobbing for nearly five minuets, and when I asked her why, she said that the show was emotionally overwhelming, and asked me to change the channel to something less happy!

Another friend of mine, Michele, exhibited signs of extreme anger during her pregnancy. On the morning of her scheduled C-section, Michele had just lain down in the hospital bed and asked her husband Rob to please massage her back. When Rob approached the bed and placed his hand on Michele’s back, Michele snapped at him and said, “What are you doing! Can you please go sit down?” We all sat in shock as Rob returned to his chair. Within a thirty-second timeframe, Michele had angrily given two distinct requests that contradicted each other; to massage her back and to “go away.”

Sarah, another close friend of mine, was prone to irrational decisions during her pregnancy. One night, we had just eaten dinner when Sarah turned to me and said, “I am really in the mood for pickles dipped in mayonnaise, doesn’t that sound good to you?” Having known Sarah since the third grade, I reminded her how she hated mayonnaise, and that this was probably not a good idea. My attempts at reasoning with her soon proved futile, and so I delivered what she had requested, one jar of mayonnaise and one jar of pickles. Sarah consumed that entire jar of mayonnaise and half the jar of pickles in less than thirty minutes, and less than ten minutes after that consumption, Sarah was completely sick to her stomach, complaining of severe stomach cramps.

With so much evidence, it is certainly probable to conclude that all pregnant women are crazy. With Deann’s excessive annoyance, Michele’s uncontrollable anger and Sarah’s irrationality, there is no better word to describe their behavior. All three girls were each pregnant at different times, lived in different neighborhoods with different occupations, and each exhibited controlled, rational behavior both before and after their pregnancies. It is only logical to conclude that all women are crazy while pregnant.